A Backstage Pass

Many of us know at least one, but who are they? They have gone by many names - military brats, foreign service or diplomatic kids, biz kids, and missionary kids. All of these categorizes fall under the umbrella of Third Culture Kids (TCKs). This is going to be a fun blog post, I have had the chance to interview sixteen TCKs over the last few months. As a TCK myself, I'm giving you a chance to see the world through our eyes. (Picture Source).

What is a Third Culture Kid? TCKs are "people who were raised in a culture other than their parents' or the culture of their country of nationality, and also live in a different environment during a significant part of their child development years (Source). The three cultures mentioned in the title are "the home culture, the host culture, and the heart culture"(1). The home culture is the country from which the parents originate (1). There is a legal aspect here, this is the culture where they hold citizenship or a passport (Source). Sometimes the parents are from different countries or from different parts of the same country. For example, my father was raised in the north of the USA and my mother in the south. Another example, I know a family where the father is from South Africa and the mother from the UK.

The host culture is the location in which the child lives during their developmental years (1). Tanya Crossman explains, "These are the [geographic] places where [the child has] physically lived and emotionally engaged whether or not [they] had citizenship" (Source). Military bases also fall into the host category. Military bases are a very different culture for families compared to civilian life. The heart culture includes elements of both cultures and also includes a blend of all of the above cultures (1).

(Picture Source 1)

This blending of cultures is evident in the life experiences of the TCK. "They blend the cultures together in the way that they speak, the food that they eat, and in their concept of time, among other things. They build relationships with each culture, but they're not fully engaged in any" (1). TCKs are highly adaptable because their lives are in continuous transition "involving change, loss, culture shock, and more" (Source). My first culture shock experience, that I can remember, occurred when I started 8th grade. I attended 7th grade in the DC school system, where I was in the ethnic minority. Most of my classmates were wearing baggy shirts and jeans. My 8th grade year was in mid-Virginia, where I had 2 African American classmates. All the students wore khakis and polo shirts. This city is 3 hours south of Washington DC. Even a short distance away can have drastically different cultures.

TCKs engage in both host and home cultures, but it is hard for them to point where home is on a map. For example, 33% of the TCKs interviewed said "Where are you from?" is the question they most dislike. Thomas explains, "It’s not so much that I detest the question as it is more of a puzzling one for me to answer. I often respond, by asking, ‘How far back would you like for me to go?’” I recently met someone, who is married to a TCK, who asks instead, "Where did you graduate high school?" His reasoning: "You only graduate once." I happen to follow Pumba's philosophy: "Home is where you rest your rump" (2). (Picture Source).

What's in a name?

A TCK's sense of identity is hard to pin down. Is your belonging based on location, ethnicity, or language you speak? Many TCKs, myself included, don't feel as if they have roots in any specific location. The definition of home changes based on where I am located. If I am at my residence, this is home. If I am visiting and staying with friends or family, their house is home. If I am residing at a hotel on vacation, my room is home. Pumba's philosophy is still valid here.

The majority of TCKs are often multilingual. They also pick up and use mannerisms from all the places they have spent a significant amount of time. I am currently studying my fourth language and can say phrases from about 15. As a military brat, I have lived in 4 different US States. As a civilian, my husband and I have lived in 3 States and are on our 2nd country outside of the US. My accent changes based on with whom I am speaking and I constantly mix my languages and mannerisms.

I often find myself not being able to fit in with any crowd. "TCKs find their sense of belonging in their relationships to other people of similar background rather than shared race or ethnicity, so they often have a wide circle of friends from around the world" (1). It is interesting to watch how easily TCKs find each other in a crowd and how they bond quickly. Tanya Crossman expands, "Two TCKs with no overlaps in their first and second cultures do not share a place and yet still share a childhood experience" (Source). Connecting to other TCKs comes easily for me, but I often struggle relationally with other people.

Benefits and Challenges

There are many benefits and challenges to being a TCK. Most of the TCKs interviewed (85%) mentioned traveling, adventures, experiencing and learning about new cultures as the coolest things about being a TCK. Peyton remarks, "I get to have so many amazing opportunities that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I love that we get to travel to many different places, understand different cultures, and meet many great people. I like that I have a greater perspective on life, that I wouldn’t have had if I lived in the States." Traveling and experiencing new cultures is definitely a few of the perks.

There are also many challenges. Vivian Chiona explains, "TCKs learn to cope with change and realise early in their lives that change is the only constant" (Source). Saying good-bye is a normal part of my life. I have friends all over the world, but I do not know when I will see them again. Social media has made keeping in touch easier, but it is difficult and takes an effort on both parties in a relationship. "Out of sight, out of mind" is a saying that unfortunately makes friends drift apart. Sadly, 70% of those interviewed agreed that saying good-bye, connecting and making friends were the hardest things about being a TCK.

What color am I?

If you think of the different cultures as colors, it is easy to see how the different cultures can blend. You retain the individual colors of your home and host cultures. You also get some mixing of colors. Below is a poem written by a TCK that talks about the different colors and some struggles of being a TCK. (Picture Source).

In Conclusion

I hope this post has been helpful to you. It was fun to compile all this data and get to interview all of these amazing TCKs. Do you have any questions, comments, concerns or complaints? Drop a comment or send me a fan letter. Until next time friends!

Advice to New TCKs

Below is an infographic for those starting your TCK journeys and for your parents. I apologize to all of you linear thinkers, who look at the infographic below and freak out over the chaos. Follow the steps on how to read the infographic provided for you:

1. The Black Circle is the starting location.

2. The different categories of advice are the colored squares.

3. Follow the lines corresponding to the category color to find the advice under that topic.

4. The squares that have different colors apply to the other topics of that color.

Note: All Infographics were created by Heather Hirt in 2022. All information was compiled from the TCK interviews conducted in 2022. All information has been used with permission from all those interviewed or their parental units.

*The TCK definition source.

Bibliography Sources

1: International Mission Board, "CERC," Training Course for Orientation, September 2022.

2: The Lion King. Directed by Roger Allers and Rob Minkoff, Walt Disney Feature Animation, 1994.

*Edited 11 July 2023. Removed potentially copyrighted photos and/or added open source.